Safia Elhillo

Self-Portrait with Profanity

ninety-nine names for my god though i know none for my [     ] a failing not of my deity but of my arabic      not the language itself rather the overeager mosaic i hoard      i steal       i borrow from pop songs          & mine from childhood fluency    i guard my few swearwords like tinkling silver anklets     spare & precious & never nearly enough to muster a proper arabic anger      proper arabic vulgarity     only a passing spar always using the names of animals i am not polite         i am only inarticulate overproud      of my little arsenal a stranger blows a wet tobacco kiss through the window    of my taxi & i deploy     my meager weapons [dog]          [pig]         [donkey] & finally        my crown jewel i pass my tongue across my teeth crane my neck about the window & call        [your mother’s                  ]